What Not To Do When You Work Out

Friday, May 27, 2011

Every once in awhile I face an exercise obstacle that I didn't anticipate. Like any learning opportunity, these little snafus give me ideas for doing things better and encourage a good cathartic laugh.

Rule #1: Never try to rollerblade while pulling a child in a wagon. I mean, I was pretty sure this wasn't going to work anyway. But my husband insisted that changing the bike seat back into a running stroller was no simple task. So we tried the next best thing: the wagon. Impossible! By the way, even if you hook a dog leash to the handle, you'll still be panting and swerving all over the sidewalk. Oh my gosh, think of what we looked like to onlookers. Ha! We originally wanted to bring our son along on this "family outing," but ended up finding a sitter for a good 30 minute ride.

Rule #2: Don't rollerblade anywhere near the lake when the lakeflies are in season. We had no idea they were swarming until we were eating them in the thicks of their buzzing. Our city has a problem with this breed of buzzers for about two weeks every spring and they literally form a black wall for a good block all around the lake. Honey quick! Turn around! Cover your face and nose! Yes, they are that bad! People from around here know exactly what I mean. People from anywhere else will not believe me.

Rule #3: Do not talk to me while I'm on the treadmill. I'm not trying to be rude or antisocial or callous or disconnected when I say this. I'm just not well-equipped to keep up with myself and carry on conversation at the same time. I am a master multi-tasker, and I don't normally get very moody, but try talking to me while I'm running. I just can't do it. I have a one-track mind on the treadmill. I can read magazines on there, but I just can't talk.

Rule #4: Don't close your eyes and jam out to your music on the treadmill. It's a little funny, but potentially very dangerous. I watched as my mom edged toward the back of the treadmill and slid right off the back before I even had a chance to warn her. We both laughed really hard, but it definitely could've turned out much worse.

Rule #5: Never try to go for a run with the jogging stroller AND the dog. I always feel guilty when I go out running without bringing one or the other. The dog never really gets enough exercise and the baby will throw himself on the floor crying if I leave without him. So one time, like a good mommy, I thought I'd try bringing both. Wrong move. First of all, good running form is completely impossible. Both hands are tied up so you can't swing them. You're hunched over the stroller while one arm is being tugged. You can't concentrate and enjoy your run when you have the baby asking to get out and walk and the dog is trying to chase a squirrel on the other side. Just don't do it!

Be careful out there. There are so many ways to bang oneself up in and outside a gym. Some of them, you'll just never see coming though.

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